Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Sooooo, it's been WAAAY TOO LONG since I've blogged, or it feels like it, and I had no time to really blog in awhile, summers finally over, school started, emmaus/ym started, and i'm still working. So I've been pretty much on a tight schedule this year, but I try to make time to blog as much as I can lol. Maybe I'll make another blog about my summer cause thats tooo much to write about and I don't feel like typing that much, and like I'm supose to be continuing typing my essay but I chose to type a random blog instead since I've sorta missed it in awhile x]

School so far is pretty chill, classes are easy for now, and I'm getting through. But I think i'm going back to APE for basketball which I don't really want to do but then I do ? Idk, cause I don't want to change my classes, and my PE class seems hella easy, but I don't knw, it's watever I guess lol. Homework has been a beeezy lately though cause I'm on a busy schedule after school, like work or church, which doesn't really give me time to do homework, but I try my best to use my time wisely. Other than that, school is alright, nothing really exciting, welcome back dance soon ? Oowee lol.

Work work work, I don't mind working, it's fun & i'm getting paid, but I guess it just takes most of my time but I mean its better than staying at home right? Expecially these days, if you don't knw me lol. But yeah, retreat for PYC is coming up soon and i'm pretty juiced for that too. & so on other events that I might announce if I feel like it lol! But yeah, work is work, you should check out our PSAs on youtubeeee, look us up, youtube.com/MoveWithPLAY :] Kthx!

Hm, what else? Idk what else to say for now, i'm supose to be reading, so I guess i'll save the rest for another day if it isnt another 123098473249 years later x] So this is just an update for now, & I hope you guys didn't miss me too much, hah ! jk. I'm oooout!

- Rani

Sunday, August 23, 2009


My gooodness, I've been hella M.I.A with blogspot, booo. Sorry, this is just a random ass blog x] I shall vent about my summer sooon ! Sooorry folks ! I'll get back at this later,

Kthxbyeeee !

- Rainy days

Monday, July 13, 2009


So it's been waaaay too long since I've last blog, I guess I got too excited for summer, and got caught up that I didn't have much time or take the time to blog about whats been happening or what not. But after what, a month now? I've came back because this is a reply to Best's blog that he wrote to me, and I do it now because I don't want to keep lagging on it haha. I wrote this the night you wrote that blog, I wrote it on my phone as I was trying to fall asleep because I didn't want to lose the thoughts that were in my mind, but excuse me if I want to change somethings or what not, it was bit of just a SUDDEN thing. So here yaahhh go,

I see where your coming from, and I surely do understand why you and my parents would be worried sick about me, but I don't think you feel the same way with how I feel with the people I am with and the reasons why I am with them all the time. They are like a second family apart from my main, I love the environment they set and the welcoming arms they put out for me & others. They are people I trust, and people I know where I feel comfortable with. I don't have to worry about who I'm hanging out with or if I'm with the wrong crowd or what not. Plus 9/10 of the time, what do I come home to ? an empty home...So apart from being home alone, when I'm with them, their like brothers and sisters that just takes care of me away from being lonely. But not only that, when it's really late, I know my limits, and I know where I really need to go home, but sometimes it's not my fault that I can't go home right away but at the same time, It's my fault because, of course it doesn't hurt to call or txt just to update, but I guess thats my fault, and I can get a little or alot carried away or just that I didn't want to use their phones. But then again, I don't want to blame other people for my mistakes, so I'll take the blame. So sorry for not coming home in time and staying out late, expecially when you most needed someone to talk too. I guess at that time I felt like it was an occasion that we all deserved for that past 2-3 days that we've worked hard on. Yet again, it's my fault for not updating with you, and my parents, but expecially you because you've cared to even point this out, and to realize it. So I don't know how you still feel about me staying out late, but you should know I try coming home at the right time, but I can't guarentee it all the time because I know there will be times. I don't know about you, but I just want to enjoy my summer the best way I can. I handle enough stress at home, and doing stuff during the day, then end up coming home with no one in it almost every night, but sure, sorry for the miscommunication, its all goood.

Well I thinik I'm done, I'm tired. Until next time, kthxbyeeee !

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Simply No,

It's just the matter of saying "No" now, because I have come to realize, I can't do everything. Even though as much as I want to help everyone or participate in everything, somethings just have to come to a cut. I've come to realize how busy my summer will be, and now planning how my next school year will be too. But I'm just looking at it as if I do everything now, one by one, at the end, it'll benefit me and clear almost everything I have to do later on. As of right now, all the offers that are given to me, I can't simply accept, because now I have to think of what I already have, and try to apply it to that, and I can't seem to do it. I haven't been in a situation quite like this before, expecially for me saying "no", to opportunities that aren't easy to deny, but what can you do right ? Sorry for the ones that maybe need or want me, as for a helping hand or just for the fun of hanging out and chillinn, but I can't help everyone.

Hmph, I just wanted to point that out I guess, was on my mind and I wanted to type it out. I hope you enjoyed reading.

Stressing out, ahhh. Gotta light up, kthxbyeeee.

Sunday, June 7, 2009


Sooooo, about time I reply back to your LOOONG comment, hahah. That was like the longest comment I've gotten from awhile now haha. But yeahh, heres your reply x]

Goshh, updates sent from my phone can sure lag at time lmao. But I clearly sent that update long before you stopped talking to me, or decided to just go to sleep, but oh well, its alright. Oh ! & I'm really excited for this summer toooo ! I sure can't wait till your "graduation" HAH ! Oh goshh, I wonder how this is gona work, but I hope your master plans go well. All I know is that I'ma cheer you on, scream my lungs out and just pretend they "said" your name LMFAO ! It's cool though, somethings are just meant to break the rules hah. But deng, I think I'ma be pretty occupied this summer, start working I think, so alot of community things and chillinn at PYC, then church stuff, I have a retreat this month and go to meetings and what not, finish my drivers ed so I can get my permit, more parties ? loll, I don't even know about that one, and just chill I guess with friends ? And of course, my best, whenever we both have the time because I know your gonna be busy working and doing your USANA stuff, expecially since your trying to hit your silver director, and I believe you'll make it.

Btw, the Oreo Pie was bombb, and thanks for wanting to spoil meeee x] I sure love oreos lol <3

Anyways, I remember when we used to answer surveys together, even MAKE eachother surveys, hahah that was fun, we should do that again sometime. We should write eachother poems again, I've been in a urge to write something, but I haven't had the chance to just lay down with a notebook and pencil, and just start writing, but maybe sometime soon, maybe after school end, that way I have waaay more time to do things. Like clean my room xD Muwahah.

And here are the answers to your questions...How am I ? Well as of right now, I'm pretty darn tired, my eyes are heavy, but I'm just tryna stay awake with you and wait till you leave to your beach party, yet I have a feeling I'm end up falling asleep before that lol. Hm, how'd life ? Life is wonderful, couldn't be better, just tryna live life to the fullest, and do everything I can do occupy myself and just do what I gotta do, yahnoe ? How do I feel about the break up so far ? Well, I don't feel anything, and I don't want to feel anything about it, other than that, all I know is that I think I have made the right choice, no wait, I KNOW I made the right choice, because I have a feeling that if I would've went back, then it would've been the same crap all over again. So yeah lol, when am I gonna cook you dinner ? The day I will cook you dinner is when you hit director & silver director, either one. And when you do, that will determine when I'll cook your dinner lol, any suggestions ? x] How's school ? School is alright, there has been alot of parties/chill days, and alot of reviews and tests, but its just that final push before my summer. Ugh, I don't want to take finals though -__- Hella loooong, rawr. Excited for summer ?! Hell yeahhh I'm excited for summer, I mean who wouldn't ? I'm done with being a freshman, and I just want to relax and do stuff other than school for awhile, I'm already in my summer status haha. Uhm, competitions ? LOL ! I don't think you do have any competition x] I'm not really looking at anyone or looking for anyone at the moment, so no need to worry lmao. Am I in RACE or PLAY ? For right now, I'm in PLAY, just because I haven't had a interview with RACE and I see myself more in PLAY, and Jerico already told me I was in it, so yeah, I'm in PLAY lol. And I don't think I need to answer the beach party question, cause unfortunately I can't go because the emmaus dinner, sooowee !

Oh gosh this is long -____- lol.

What do I think about you so far ? Well, I sure feel alot more comfortable around you and like I sure feel alot more closer to you from the beginning. I still think of you as my bestfriend though, ahh soowee. My intentions aren't in THAT status right now. What do I like about you ? What I like about you is that your willing to make time for me anytime and anyday as possible, and you always take care of me no matter what condition I'm in, and you always have your ways to make me happy or just to simply put a smile on my face, theres a lot more but I don't think this blog can handle it xD Jk. I certainly don't hate anything about you, but dislike about you ? Thats pretty hard to recall because I can't think of anything I dislike about you, your understanding and you always know how to cope with the things that may or may not happen if we have a plan or what not, and I couldn't attend it or had something to do, but you understand that we BOTH have our own things, and we only try to make time when we do, and I appreciate that because you understand that I'm trying to do what I have to do, and I understand what you have to do. <--- LOL ! that sounded hella weird for some reason, oh well, I'ma leave it haha.

Ok happy ? I answered all your questions xP But yeah, we should take a picture together soon, and we will lol. So be ready ! Ahhhh, I'm like hella tired now and you said I looked like I'm not enjoying this hahaha, but really I am, it just doesn't show on the outside because of how tired I am right now lol. But yeah, I think this is ENOUGH -__- No more questions asked, and you still want me to answer your survey, but that can wait for another day, my brain is like fried right now lmfao ! I think this is long enough, I wonder how long it'd be if it was sent in a comment on myspace haha.

I'm sleeeeeeepy, I hope you enjoyed reading this, I mean you BETTER like it x] jkjk. Now I'll just wait for your reaction to this while were on stickam lol. I miss love you hahha. Byee !

Thursday, June 4, 2009


slooooowly working myself one step at a time, taking it slow, and hopefully later in life, I reach my goal or accomplish something I'm satisfied with.

Damn I'm sore -__- I'm hella weak.

Yeah, and today wasn't my day, but oh well.


Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Oooweee, it's the beginning of June and i'm already juiced :D I say I have ALOT for me this month and I can't wait, omg. But yeah, today was the last day of YM, and we had our potluck, it was pretty funnn, and I found of somehting that I was SO EXCITED about x] Collins told me that i'm in Emmaus, and it's just a great feeling that i'm FOR SURE about it hahah. So now I can't wait for Emmaus retreat and the upcoming dinner ! It just sucks that the beach party with Best is on that same day, hmphh, but what can I doo. Maybe some other time, yeah ? Oh ! & Collins got his first piercings today too, he was hella stoked, it was hilarious though. People were hella suprised and some of em didn't even notice lol.

Now, I just have so much to expect this month. Finish the freakn freshman school year, FINALLY ! I'm done being a freshman, thank god lol. And just have to go through finals next week and ugly tagalog finals this week, just this one final push before summer timeeee, I can do it lol. Then I got PYC and church things this summer, really start on my drivers ed and pass so I can start my drivers training, and REALLY start working out now and getting active once again, cause i'm not satisfied with what i'm doing now, and I needa start working out again, and also chill with butt toooo ! Oooweee, I just can't wait for this summer, ahhhh ! x]

But yeah, I think this is enough for now, i'll cut it here.

Kthxbyeeeee !

Sunday, May 31, 2009


Sometimes in life we dont have to see everything ahead of us, just enough to see what’s infront of us. It’s like driving a car in a dark snow storm. You have two headlights that light up as far as 100-200 feet ahead of us. Will that stop you from driving? No, as long as you keep going you will keep seeing the next 100-200 feet. It’s like running on blind faith.

Just something that I found while I was reading through my Best's tumblr, and I thought it was real interesting, so decided to just post it up :] Enjoy.
Kthxbyeeeeee !

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


So I guess you can say this is a random update, just because I haven't blog in AWHILE, or feels like in awhile. I guess I've been busy with things, been going around tryna find some jobs, going to alot of interviews and doing this & that. So I've been doing alot lately I guess, and just tryna do and finish all my schoolwork so I can finally start my freakn summer. I can't waaaait...But yeah, I've been alot of community stuff, and church things. And ugh, I just realized I'm growing a ugly gut and I need/want to lose it over the summer, so I'm going to push myself to do somewhat of a good excercise everyday, or almost everyday. Hmph, I needa get in shape again, ever since basketball for me was done, I did not do crap lol.

But yeahh, I can't wait for the summer, gona be pretty occupied. I hope I can say this would be the best summer so far, but who knows, anything can happen. I guess I'ma stop it here, thanks for reading. Byeeeeeeeee !

Friday, May 22, 2009

My Hero,

my hero,
is someone like no other.
he's been there for me
from the very start.
provide and support,
is what i thank him for.
and only the love and care,
is what keeps me going on.
teaches me from right from wrong,
and puts me towards the right path.
he saves me from,
the deepest situations,
and only highlights the,
joy and happiness
of each and every moment.
i can't ask for anything more.
i've got more than what i need,
my dad.
i love you

this was just a little something I made hella last mintue because it was for a project, I just wanted to post it up because why not save it right ? So yeah, there you gooo. Thanks for reading !

Sunday, May 17, 2009


Why does it affect me so much ? Should it even affect me ? Just questions I really think won't have an answer too, but just something that's roaming through my head.

But anyways, I haven't blogged in a REAL LOOOONG TIME, I guess I've been busy and been sick lately, I don't really feel like blogging right now, just wanted to say what I needed to say.

I'll save the update for another time, thanks for checking up.


Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day,

Yeahh, Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers I know, from my friends and family. But Happy Mother's Day to the one and only mother of mine. It sucks that I can't even say that to you, I know I can't say it in front of you, and it sucks even more when I can't even talk to you. I know I miss you dearly, but it just hasn't been showing on the outside. Come back home, you've been there way too long, you've been away long enough that I've felt like I haven't had a mom these past months since you've been gone. It sucks to come home to an empty house everyday, to always buy fast food because theres no home cooked meals anymore, to always be alone at home without anyone to accompany me, it hurts to know it's been like this for awhile. And now, when you finally come back, I would feel different, because you've haven't been here with me for awhile, but deep inside I know I miss you, but it's like, do I know you ? It hurts alot, but I just have to learn to accept, accept that your away for a good cause, but I wish you knew you didn't have to leave again so quickly. But it's whatever, I'll get over it sometime.

But other than that, thank you for all you've done for me, and being there with me from the start. From my whole 15 years, and many years to come. I love you, even though I may get irritated by the things you make me do or when you get mad at me for no reason. We aren't going through the bestest times, but what can you do ? What am I to do ? It's ok, I just wish you knew how I felt, it's hard to talk to you when I rarely talk to you. But like I said, it's whatever. I don't know what else I wanna say to you, I guess it just sucks that your not here with me at this moment, and seeing everyone else with their family, spending time with eachother, like what we used to do when you were here. But no, here I am, alone. It's alright, I guess thats all I want to say for now, thanks for reading, bye.

Thursday, May 7, 2009


So I'ma take my time to actually jot down what has happend in like the past hour, because I think it's something worth reading if your really that interested x] But before I go on to that, my day was pretty chill, I liked today, pretty nice outside and some awesome weather. Just kinda sucks that the concert was cancelled, but my day still went pretty good without it. But anyways, here is what happend earlier...

So me, Stace, and Collins just came from a Mission SJ vs. JL volleyball game, and we were in the parking lot getting into Stace's car. And you know Stace, being the mean person she is, she locked the door on me just when I was about to go in, so I was like fine, and I hoped on the back of her car, sitting on her trunk and holding onto the little antenna handle she had on the top of the car. So I thought I was good, I mean, I thought she wouldn't do anything extreme since I'm in the back, so she started to slowly drive out of the parking lot. Suddenly, she blasted on the gas, and as I held onto the little handle thing, thinking I can grip it tighter so I wouldn't fall, I ended up FLYING off the car -_- Like literally, sliding off the trunk and skidding on the cement, almost went through a FULL somersalt, and it wasn't very pleasant, but I was still laughing at myself, yet in pain in the same time. All I could remember was letting go, and literally flying off and landing on my arm, my slipper flew off, and for some reason I got a cut on my thumb, and that hurted the most. Once I hit the floor, I could not get up, I stayed on the floor until Collins came out and checked up on me and placed my slipper on my foot lmao. I was dieing off laughter but off pain too -_- As I got up, I was limping, and Stace and Collins were off laughing their asses off. When I came upon the door, it was still locked, so I was like fck it, I'ma just walk if she won't open the door, so I did, after a minute or two, I guess they felt bad, and told me to get in the car, and I did. Blood was leaking off my scrapes, and sharp pains from my thumb, foot, and hand. Ugh, I think I certainly learned my lesson from that, and to NOT go on the back of a car, while moving, or at least on STACE'S CAR >.< face="georgia">And just earlier when I got home, I found a unexpected card from my Bestestest :D It made me feel special, but kinda sad cause I didn't get to hang out with my Best tonight, sorry ! But other than that, we will chill soon, don't worry. I guess this week has been a busy week for me, and I've been doing alot. So yeah, thank you for the lovely card, and for the slice of icecream cake & rose ? I can't wait to get those, haha. I thank god for having a bestfriend like you, and I thank god for not getting seriously injured earlier -_- hahah, but its all gooood.

Today was an interesting day, now for tomorrow ! No Affection Without Protection @ Paddys [Smith St., UC] Check it out and support FAA & PYC

Kthxbyeeee !

Wednesday, May 6, 2009



Saturday, May 2, 2009


So here I am, just hellaaa chillinnn, staying up for my Best. I'm vchatting and talking to peopleees. Had a pretty chill day, table tennis was awesome and staying up is coool but I wish I wasn't that lazy cause I want to cook some fried rice & spam x] But its ok, it can wait for the morning haha. I'm pretty bored, Best told me to blog cause I haven't in awhile, and thats true. This week passed by hella fast and its already May, whaaaat !? hahah, that was hella fast, next thing you know its already June and SUMMERTIME ! Oooweee, I'm hella juiced though, I can't wait.

Hm, what else could I talk about, I don't know what to do right now, and its hella late. PACMAN FIGHT LAAATER ! Oh yeahh, idk where I'ma watch it, but we'll seee. & movies later with Daddy, yay :D It's starting to rain here, and you know what sounds good when it's raining, PHO ! Yummmyy, & did you know Oreos&Milk is hella BOMB, like freals. But you know whats even MORE BOMB, MAC & CHEEEESE ! Whaaaaaaaaaat ! x] Freals though, you ain't down lmao ! Yeahh, thats wsup though.

Uhm, I think I'm done, I'm toooo lazy to write/type anymore...Until next time,


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Why ?

I guess I just realized, I'm not in my best part of my life right now... And I only ask why this is happening to me, and why do YOU do this to me ?

Just need someone to talk to...

Sunday, April 26, 2009


Hmph, failure. How could I ? I'm Sorry...

Monday, April 20, 2009

End of Springbreak,

So it has come to the ending of my springbreak & I really don't want to go to school. I'm supose to be sleeping right now, but I can't since this stupid project & I'm talking to Joootz, chillinn right now. Were hella talking right now, being hella random cause were so tired. We don't even want to go to school tmrw so we have a Plan B x] But anyways, I just wanted to blog about springbreak to wrap it up, so overall it was pretty coool.

Friday : Went home from school and chilled, went to church for Good Friday and got my feet washed by Father Geoffrey, chilled the rest of the night with Collins and them, then went home, figuring out my plans for Springbreak.

Saturday : Went to my homegirl's Quince, it was cool, & went home tired.

Sunday : Church, eat out with fam, chilled with my brooskii, did some errands and went to SpringFling, was pretty cracknn.

Monday : That day was pretty chill, I didn't really do anything that day. Just did SOME homework, lagged on my project, and just hanged out at home that day. Jotz came over and me, my dad, and Jotz went to go get Tuttimelon before my dad went to work.

Tuesday : I don't even remember doing something on Tuesday.

Wednesday : I went to Mission Peaks with my Best, oh what an experience, it was pretty fun & tiring at the same time but it was pretty cool. After I went to wingstop for AC's 1 year Anniversary but not everyone was there but its alright. After that, I went home and chilled the rest of my day because I was hella tired. And if anything happend, I forgot xD

Thursday : Woke up early & got ready, and went to SF with hella heads, chilled there for almost most of my day, and then went back home, then went to UL to go to Tuttimelon & In-N-Out, after that I went back home because it was getting pretty late.

Friday : I felt pretty good that we made up and we didn't have to worry about not talking to eachother because that was pretty hard to do, and it hurted alot to know that I could've been talking to my Best the whole day. I went to my brother's place to sleepover because we were going to PGA the next day, and I chilled there for the other half of my day, I came upon problems and ended up going to Marina with him. Then went home after, pretty tired.

Saturday : I woke up, got ready & waited for my brother to get me. I got all my things ready, pacing myself for the hot weather and just chillinn back. I got picked up, ended up cleaning my brother's car a little bit for the meet and then we bounced. Came to the meet, and we went to PGA and left my bro with the rest of the mazda people. I had fun watching Reina go on rides and alla that, it was pretty chill, didn't go on much rides, but its all good. I got darker that day but its watever, came back to my brother's place from a long day from PGA and toke a nap. Me & my brother went out for awhile, and then I went home.

Sunday : So this was supose to be my chill day and to finally do my PROJECT, I chilled with my dad and ate, I was working on my outline for my project and then I got ready for church. I wemt to church and chilled with them emmaus people at Tuttimelon. Then I went home to go finish my project, then I went out again to get some food and I didn't end up going to sleep as I expected and ended up going to sleep around 4 ? Because I was on the phone with Jotz and we were both working on our projects and being hella random because it was hella late, then I called my Best and I was being hella random with him cause it was hella late and I couldn't sleep.

And here we are today, woke up early enough and I didn't expect it. Got ready & was ready for the hot ass day we had. Best forgot to walk me to school but its cool. Had a TIRING and HOT day, omg -_- But there was finally Youth today, and I was pretty excited. All we did was skits today, about friendship and alla that. I went home and here I am.

****Sorry, but my days might not be as accurate because I kinda forgot what I did on those days, so yeah. But it's what I can remember for right now.

Thanks for reading, kthxbyeeee !

Thursday, April 16, 2009



Because as I came across that song, it reminded me of the sound effects and weird laughes we went through going down mission peaks, and I started to sing that song because my knees were dieing out going down that damn "hill" or mountain ? Hah, good times. "Skuuuuuuuuuuur" :]


Something ima miss hearing for awhile, but anyways...
I had a loooooong day today, it was fun yet different. Started off waking up a couple of times this morning, but I got up around 8. Went on the computer to kill time, and I started to get ready. Started to hit people up, and seeing wsup. Allie and Ej came over to kill time too, then we went off to bart. We met up with ALMOST everyone, got my ticket, and everyone elses since they didn't know how lmao. We had some laggers, but we left anyways since we had some people waiting at Bayfair for us. Just when we were on bart going towards Hayward, I had to go back to pick up the rest of our friends because they didn't know how to take bart either. So, me and my two other friends, came back with me to UC bart and waited for their butts to be there. We waited for hella days, and I was hella stressing because I was calling people one after another, and we ended up going back on bart around 12:10. After that, we met up with the rest and headed to SF. Once we got there, we went to the mall and went to the places we wanted to go. We kinda split apart but we managed to all meet up after. Honestly, I was kinda pissed, well not pissed, but I got kinda irritated because I had people call me nonstop, asking where we were and what not, I guess its cause I'm like their little tour guide, and I'm the only one who really knew the city. We finally went out of the mall, and went to H&M since Alex wanted to go so bad, after that, we were hungry and went to Blondie's Pizza right down the street. We saw the rest of the group, but most of the guys went off on their own, and the main group were downstairs eating the bomb pizza and cheesy fries haha. After we were done, we went to urbanoutfitters, and back to market to meet up with two other people. I spent my whole time buying what my parents needed, and bought my dad's bday present, and I didn't want to leave SF without buying myself something at least. So, I wanted to go to Haight while whoever else wanted to go to Metreon, but they didn't want to split, and they didn't care anyways, so I brought them all to Haight. The bus we toke wasn't the best experience, since it was soo crowded, but it was fun though. We got to Haight, went to Stussy, then to True, I got a jacket [surprising how it was still there from the last time I went there], and we headed back since Jotz had to go back home. Caught bart pretty fast, wasn't much of a wait cause I guess we were messing around alot. Hoped on bart, was hellaa heads up in there, and everyone seemed to be pretty tired. It wasn't everyone, but it was alright. I ended up lipsyncing and dancing to my friends ipod since I was soo bored, and this one fool was looking at me -_- Corey and them went back to Bayfair, as for me and the rest went back home towards UC.

Home at last, but I felt my night wasn't over yet. So I dropped off my things at home and me & Alex went to UL to get some Tuttimelon. We were waiting HELLA LONG for the stupid bus, and we kept seeing other buses going to other bus stations, so I was like forget it, lets go to the one near Logan. But just as we were walking, we finally saw the bus come upon the bus spot we were just on, so we ran back and got on the bus. Got to UL, went to Tuttimelon and walked around to kill time, we ate at In-n-out and headed towards the bus spot. As we were waiting for the bus, Alex had to hella pee, so I told him I would wait for him and that he should run, so he did, but once he got to the entrance, the bus came ! So I started to hella laugh, and I yelled at him, he came running back tryna come back before the bus came, and we got in, in time.

And here I am, finally at home. Pretty tired, had a long ass day. A nice adventure. I wrapped my dad's present, and put it in a box. I bought him a polo shirt, & I was gonna buy him shorts too but it was hella expensive, but after wrapping it, I put it on top of his bed for him to open when he gets home from work. And I guess you can say what's different about today was, I hardly talked to my best today...Actually, at in-n-out when I was waiting for my food, I thought about him and felt pretty sad because I knew I could've been talking to him, but yeah. Hm, I miss him, but you gotta just do what you have to dooo. Anyways, I'm pretty tired, so I guess I'll end it here. Gnite, thanks for reading.



Just another chapter...

The Unexpected,

Speechless, I can't even put into words of my reaction right now. It's pretty deep what you said, only with that, hard...But what can you do ? I understand where your getting at, I now realized that you are hurting too, from hiding whats from your heart and what you've been wanting to express. I guess it all comes around that time, when somethings never last. Man, I don't even know what to say right now, but yeah. Honestly, it kinda hurts to know what's gonna happen now, I don't blame you, and I know you never wanted to hurt me from the words you have written. But its the only way out I guess, for the both of us.

Like you said, we shared that special kind of relationship, and I'm glad to call you my bestfriend. You've taught me alot along the way, showed me things I've never seen before, and proved me things I've never thought I'd imagine. You were that person I could talk to when no one else was there, and you were the only one who ever knew my situation, the only one who could've relate to it. But it's hard, I understand. So I shall stop with what I do and leave you alone to do your thing. It's hard to let go of something I hold close, and something I grew to so fast, but it'd only hurt if it goes on as it does. Wow, I can't even explain words for you right now, but let's just say you had your ways with me. You showed me how much you really care for me, and for that you have to let go of me. I thank you for the ALL SAINTS BRACELET, I will keep this dearly, and take care of it, as it is the only thing, thats close to YOU.

I have alot more to say but, it's hard getting it into words. And from now, I don't want you getting hurt from me, because all these times, you've only made me happy and hurting me was the last thing you'd do. So I want to return the favor, and hurt you no longer, and that I'd only want to make you happy with your decision and not look back at this as a regret. Because theres no room for regrets right ? Yeah, you teached me that too. But lets just say, you were never a probllem between our relationship [me&him], because the things we came upon were just between us two. Exactly why I didn't want to put you in that position because I didn't want to come upon that problem. So don't think the things we go through is because of you, because its not. You already know how I feel and its not because of you, it's because of him. I take your words and try to make the best of our time, but seriously, it doesn't come to that point where I enjoy it anymore. So yeah, is this the end of our book ? Because I don't really know what to say about it, until you tell me what you think.

It was fun while it lasted, I guess there is always that turning point. All I just want to say is, thank you, thank you for everything you've done for me, and everything you've teached me. Thank you for showing me a true bestfriend, and how it felt to have one close during the times were rough. Hah, you came close to seeing something that you've wanted to see me do, yet not in a bad way, but a good way. But I hold it in, and I guess it's just something for next time. So, your prolly reading this as I left, cause like you said, we have to cut off all communications. I'm sad, but its all understanding, no need to regret what you have done, for the better right ? Idk why it hurts so much, but it's just something to get used to for now on, I guess this is the end. Take care, work hard, you got alot for yourself, don't mind me, I'll be fine. As long as I have this bracelet, I know I'm not alone. I guess this is the end. Love you Best, goodbye.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

For you,

So here is the poem from me to you :]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Now this is a story
about me and you.

Started off with a
"Hi" and "Bye"
Now were off to
Morning walks and late talks.

Wake up calls to goodnight lullabys
From smiley faces to things unexpected
Proflavonol to Nutrition bars
What more can I ask for ?

The things you do
just to make me happy
Or the "surprises" that would've came
if it only worked for us two.

You only want what's best for me
to teach me from right from wrong
And just know,
I'm always here for you
through no matter what goes wrong.

Because remember,
we share that special
kind of relationship.
From Best to Besty
WE stick together like,
Milk and Cookies.

Part 2 in the next blog, because its too long x]

For you, Pt.2


Began a book without any pages
Now here we are
filling in the spaces.

We have quite the experiences together
From ChubbyBunny to LONG surveys
Now onto this poem...

You've brought me on top of the world
to see the most beautiful view
with my own two eyes.

You teached me nothings impossible
and learned to never bet with you
because you'll always prove me wrong.

As time flys,
we come up with new chapters
each with its own special meaning
As it brings us closer to eachother
Learning new things about one another

And here we are
another chapter in our book
With many more to come.


I loooooooove my Best <3 :]

Mission Peaks,

Because I was on top of the WORLD today <3

Monday, April 13, 2009


Ooooweee, springbreak ! It's going pretty good right now, went to my friend's quince, and then a funktion last night. Not bad to start it off, now I just can't wait for friskooo, and morning walks with the Best. I hope this break goes as I imagined it or planned, I'm being too lazy to do my project and the rest of my hw, ugh. Sooo bad, ima end up doing it last minute, I already know. But it's watever. I'm hella bored right now though, waiting for my dad to wake up, I want TuttiMelon x] Ohh yeahh, I finally get to go back on myspace and drinking soda if i NEED to. The first night I went back on myspace, oh gosh it was like a frienzyyy, I was all over everyones myspaces and stuff, tryna update. And now I stay on, because it's break and if anyone wants to chill, they can hit me up on myspace hahhahah ! Anyways, I guess I'll stop bloggging, I don't feel like writing anymore.

Kthxbyeeee !


How is it that I can let go of someone because of who they are ? Does that make sense ? Just because the way he is, I feel like I can't do anything, I try everything, or ALMOST everything, just to get away from HIM. I don't know what to do anymore. We've already came SO CLOSE to our ending, and sometimes when I thought it was officially done. But no, I was wrong, as always, as every other ending. I'm tired of what I'm going through, and I can't wait till my fuse to blow, because then I'll have the strength to just say it in his face, and I won't have any regrets at all. I feel nothing, nothing at all. We both have seperate minds, both with different thoughts and feelings. I've seen myself going through another path a LONG time ago, but if it wasn't for how he is and what we have/had, I would've been gone a couple steps back. But here I am, still in this stupid hole, trapped, no where to go, but to go with the flow. What am I to do ? I want to love you, to have those feelings like before, but I just can't. Its not there anymore...But you want to deny that, because I know realize it too. I always give you what you want, just to make YOU happy, but I can't have what I want, or anything to make me happy, because all I wanted was for you to understand me and let me be, but you won't let that happen, by all means, you'll keep me in your little hole for as long as I can go. You kept me for too long, that you've become selfish and never wanted to let me go. But as time comes, I'll won't take your crap any longer.

Btw, don't worry Best. I got it, don't worry about me with this situation, I don't want you worrying about me. These situations are just stuff I needa handle on my own, I'll take care of it sooner or later, when the time comes. Thanks for the advice though and what not.

Blaaaaah, enough about this though.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Penny for your Thoughts,

Because I dig his words :]

Pretty Chill,

It was a pretty chill day today, not too bad to start off my springbreak. First I walked with UsanaMan, hhahaa I hella didn't want to go to school this morning, and he noticed. 1st period was alright, toke a quiz, I was kinda confident, it wasn't as bad as I thought, but I didn't get some parts but it was all good. As I got a progress report sheet to see what my grades were in that class, I was suprised and proud of myself, my grade was raised up and I was hella happy, and even happier because I was pretty confident with this quiz and how it can bump my grade up to something better. It turned my mood around and I was ok after that.

2nd period was chill, watched a movie and toke notes, since it was my filipino class, we were watching a movie about food and it made me hella hungry and made me miss the PI a little. It kinda sucks how I'm not going anymore, I was so excited for that time and was so ready to go, but things changed and we weren't going anymore, bummer "/

3rd was great, we listened to the rest of the poems people needed to speak out. And Ms.Cross had a guest speaker for us, she came in, plus with another class that wanted to join us. I forgot her name but that girl was spittinn` some good slam. She inspired me, with someone with no experience at all, with no interest from the beginning, she came so far and got so good to what she put effort in after awhile. After a few spoken word from her, they talked about her history and clubs at school. They were interested in making a club next year for some slam poetry/art, etc. My teacher was interested in me and some other kids, and that made me think about what I wanted to do and if I wanted to put effort in. Poetry has really grabbed my attention these days, and I was figuring if I really have the talent for it. I still think now, but for now I'm gonna write as much as I can, to keep my interest strong.

4th was alright, someone flaked on the whole class, and was supose to bring us cake, but she didn't. They got us all hyped too, but thanks to Janine, she was the only one who brought something, chips x] While we ate that, we were supose to watch a video and answer questions, but something random came to my head as I was thinking of last period, and so I wrote it down, ignoring my classwork. And you can read what I wrote below this blog. After I was done, I told Janine to see what I wrote just suddenly because it was pretty suprising to me that I wrote a whole page in just moments without hesitation. She said it was hella good, and it felt good to know. And it made me wonder, could this be something I can really do ? Idk if it would be a main priorety, or just something on the side, but I'm pretty confident on what I'm doing now.

Lunch was ok, I wanted to go home by then, but by the time I called my dad, he was already in Milpitas with my Granny. So I said nevermind. I chilled with my "babies" hahah, and just talked about whatever, then went to 6th period.

During 6th period, we had a sub, she was alright. We had a timed persuasive essay, and she gave us the opportunity to use our ipods since the subject we had to write about was about music and what not. Just when I had my mind set on what I wanted to write, the was a stupid fire. No wonder why some of my classmates were asking if we smelled something burning, and next thing you know you see a guy come in the classroom saying there was a fire, and everyone, as they are, were screaming and being hella immature, we grabbed our stuff and went outside. It was kinda funny cause most of us were like in the mode/roll of writing and had our minds set to what we wanted to write, so it was kind of a bummer. I was hopeing the fire alarm would last till 7th because I DID NOT want to go to track, since it was getting pretty hot by that time, and I just wanted to chill for our last day of school for springbreak. I got a poem from Best, it was cute and funny. The ending was interesting but its all good.

7th came, and man it was hot & irritating. We had a sub for that class, and as always, no one dresses or cares to dress, and subs for that class DO NOT know how to take roll, so everyone just huddles around the sub and wait for their name to be called. I got pretty irritated because people who use my crap don't respect it, so I got pretty pissed and just tried to ignore them as I layed on the turf since we weren't doing anything. I tried taking a nap, but there was these two guys "wrestling". It was pretty funny, they were playing around and stuff, everyone just watched them mess around, but after awhile, it started getting rough. You know how most boys get, they can take some things serious and make a big deal out of it, their "wrestling" became something that didn't even look like it, and the guy got pretty ticked of what the other guy was doing to him since he just kept going at him. It was pretty hilarious, but the guy toke it seriously because I guess he was pissed, and wanted to fight him all of the sudden. The sub had to stop it, so I guess it was a good 10mins or so. After that, we left.

Me and Terahlyn left early as usually, chilled at the front as we waited for everyone else. Collins & Stace called to chill, I wasn't sure because my friend wanted to come over, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to do both, but I'm sorry for what I did. But I mean, I can always chill with her, and if I chilled with Collins and Stace, we were gonna get food, and plus they were like BEGGING any BUGGING me to go, so I went.

Chilling with Stace and Collins is like the funnest thing ever lmaoo. We dropped off Devon, and was figuring out what to eat since Stace owed me food, and so it was my choice, there was soo many choices, but we decided to go to Costco lmao x] As we got there, we ate like all the free samples, going through almost every aisle, getting a BIG bag of BAGS of shrimp chips, and FERRERO ROCHER chocolates, omg. I love Collins, we figured we liked the same chocolates and what not, since he's my sponser, I should might as well get to know him more and what not, it was interesting, and Stace, choking on her chimichanga since she ate the napkin with it hahhah ! Collins bought me chicken bake, and I ate half of it because I was already kinda full from all the samples we ate lol. We left to go to Starbucks, as we were on the freeway, it was lightweight traffic, but as we were driving, Stace got a text and was about to read it until me and Collins were yelling because we were going straight towards a car that braked, and Stace jumped and braked hella hard, my chickenbake flew across my seat and my head bobbed as Collins almost hit his head too hahah. It was pretty crazy after that, we were all relieved, and I ended up texting for Stace since she didn't want that happening again lol.

At Starbucks, we got some drinks, I got the usually specialty, and VENTI too x] Thanks to Stace, and we headed back to the church. Me and Stace chilled in the car, waiting for others, as Collins left to prepare. We talked about some stuff, like emmaus, retreat, basketball, and alla that stuff. And I guess she didn't get the memo that I had to go home, since I guess Collins didn't tell her -_- So we had to leave last minute to drop me off, and I'm sorry for that. And now I regret for not staying there and saving the hassle, because what I thought I was sacrificing is now going to waste, and I could've been at church. Hm, regret now ? But it's something I have to realize and let go.

So here I am, I've been blogging the whole time a little after I got home. I don't know what to do, I was thinking of writing some poems, or do most of my hw since I have some free time, I feel like taking a nap though, so I might do that also if I fall asleep on my bed, but yeah. This is ALOT and I think this is the MOST I've wrote in a blog. I think ima stop here though, I'm pretty tired, so I guess I'll just save the rest of my words for some other blog. Should read my little poem below too and tell me what you think.

Kthxbyeeeee !

Over Believer,

So here's a little something I made during class, it was pretty random, but I hella just thought about it and I really wanted to write it down, so I paid attention to my mind and what it wanted to say rather than my classwork that I was supose to be doing that time x]

I think I've come to my point to where,
I ask myself what am I gonna do with my life.
So many opportunities,
so many things I want to do.
What do I pursue ?
A new year is only more than half,
a year from now.
Where will I be ?
What will I do ?
There so much for myself,
I think it's time for sacrifice,
and to figure what I know and,
want to do.
Chances here and there.
What can I do ?
I've already taken a step,
now another ?
Am I moving too fast ?
Am I taking to many chances ?
How do I balance ?
So many talents, so many interest.
What am I to choose ?
Relax, Breathe, Think.
Straighten my mind and body,
and take one step at a time.
Over achiever ? Nah, over believer,
because I believe I can do anything,
if I put my mind and effort to it.
So I take my time to write this off my head,
and not pay attention,
to what I have to do instead.

& yeah, that was just a little something, I was inspired by my class before the class I was writing this in, and the guest speaker was pretty dope. And I thought about what I've been writing these days, and I felt motivated by it and what I've been interested in. SlamPoetry or poems itself can be powerful, and the words we write can be things meant to be said out in the world. I thought someday my words can be said, but we will see as time goes, but for now, I feel like writing.

Thanks for reading :]

- Raaaanii

Thursday, April 9, 2009

I believe in you,

Your very welcome Best. And I'll always believe in you, no matter what it is you do, because I have faith in you, and I believe you can do anything x] I'm always here for you, as your always here for me. So whenever there is a day you need cheering up, I'm always here to turn it all arooound haha. You deserved it today, because you worked so hard, and I understand. Oh, & thank you for the loooovely dinner xD All you can eat, woohoooo. You know just how to feed me huh ? LMAO ! But anyways, it was funn. You always know how to make my day, or to make it even better. Thaaaaanks Bessssst, your the bestestetest. GO USANA MAN ! lol, I believe in you, you can do it YEAH ! lol. Well its late now, I should be sleeping since I have to make "taron" tomorrow morning hahhah. Gnite, love yooou.


World today ?

Just a poem I had to write for LifeSkills, I think it's pretty weak but its whatever. Here you go,

What’s up with the world today
Economic disasters to war with no end
Where’s the communication ?
How about the ones without homes,
Sleeping on the streets without no clothes
Are they heard ?
There are always questions,
Questions with no answers.
Be heard and speak out,
Be the answers !
You can be the change,
The change of a new beginning
A new beginning of a new world.
Stop the violence, and increase the peace.
Don’t start later, start now.
Stop the struggles we face today,
Save the lives killed each day.
Why have war, when the world
Can be such a better place without it ?
Losing money, houses, our lives ?
How can we live with the crisis ?
Just living life to wake up each day,
Smell the breeze and notice what’s
Going on in the world today.
just Be grateful you don’t have,
To wake up in their shoes each day.
Because its not everyday you,
Hear the gunshots of men and children,
Even the cries of women right beneath them.
Their struggles for food and water,
Just be thankful you come home,
With food on the table.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


Your lucky, why ? Because your lucky that I don't treat you the way you treat me. I have that choice to do so, but you know what ? I choose not too. Like what USANA Man said, step up and be the better person, and don't go down their level. As much as I wanted to do so, I'd rather not waste my time with that and worry about you. I don't care what you do, but its just the things you do to me. The things you do to me ticks me off, but once you start doing it yourself, and when I become in your shoes, I don't do the same things that you do to me. Why ? Because I'm not like that, I'd choose not to be like that because that's not how I am. But its whatever, as usual. Just something I need to pass by and forget. Because my time isn't worth thinking about the negative things. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW THE POSITIVE ? Because I wantneed it, more than anything. It's always this part of my life where it wasn't/isn't to the fullest. It once was, but it's draining. What happend ? I've told you things have changed and isn't the same anymore, but you would'nt listen. Just know that your lucky, realize what you have, and make the best of it. Be true to your word and do it, don't just say BS all the time. I'm getting tired of you not realizing what you have, and the things you do can sometimes hurt inside. But you never take the time to see what you are doing until the end when things go bad, that's when I feel all bad, but you just never seem to REALIZE how I feel and what I'm going through. I wish you get that into your head, because lost inside. And the longer things go like this, the worst things are gonna get. Damn, where am I ?!

Sunday, April 5, 2009


You gotta love SupremeSoul though <3

Saturday, April 4, 2009


So why is it I only think of the negative things of you, of us ? For some reason I can never say anything so positive...Tell me why this is so ? Because I have no idea why. I try hard to only enjoy the time we spend, to cherish the moments we have ? But tell me why it never seems to fall that way, and every outcome always ends up as "Why?" I think i'm lost, confused, just lost in your world. Following you wherever you go. What am I doing ? Am I only hurting myself ? More and more by every step I take, deeper into the hole, just lost in darkness. I can't believe I really feel this way, when I shouldn't. Is it me, or is it you ? Feelings I can't deny, and I can't lie about. Someday, I already know I need to let it out. Time isn't right, why ? Because I'm still waiting for that turning point, and when will that be ? Until you show me I'm all wrong and what I say isn't worth saying. But for now, your the only reason why I express myself this way, almost everyday, whenever I end up with you. How we feel about eachother is two different things, what happend to ONE ? I wanna open my eyes and smell the breeze. But how ? I don't want to feel this way, I only want to live the fullest with what I have. But how can I when what I feel everyday is this ? I see no difference, its the same everytime. I'm tired of expressing myself like this, when will I be able to express the good things ? I only have questions, questions with no answers...

OTHER THAN THAT, deng, where else am I in life ? I don't know what else to say, life is life. I WANT to say my life is GREAT, so great I couldn't ask for anything more in the world. But what more can I say, than just how it is. But lets not think about the big things now, I don't want to be stressing over it. I guess I'll just focus on the little things. Weekend is almost over, hmph school tmrw. One more week and its finally springbreak. I can use a break from things and just chill. I guess I'm done here, I don't feel like blogging anymore. Gnite,


Friday, April 3, 2009


Haha, so it's the 3rd day of April. & this is my first blog for this month. Time goes by pretty fast, I remember it was only like 2 months ago when I thought April was hella far, now its finally here. Just when I thought I WAS going to the PI, now i'm not even going anymore "/ But oh well, my dad wants to go on a cruise now o_O Ooweee, something new I guess. We've always talked about going to Atlantis & stuff over there in the Bahamas lol. Yet other than that, springbreak is coming up and i'm hella juiced. Friskooooooo here we come ! Aha, I hope it comes through. Just rolling deep with friends, on a nice chill day at the city, what more can you ask for right ? Alot has been happening lately I guess, I missed Powderpuff today, hella sad, but its whatever though, I can't wait till its our time, J&S got me excited for our year to come for Powderpuff. But other than ruining my fun for tonight, I won't let that happen tomorrow, because I AM going to HIN. I've been looking for this, and I'm going lmaoo. I also can't forget to pick up an EMMAUS application. Oh yes, finally. Speaking of church, I have to go to rehearsals next week for mass. I'm going to get my feet washed by the priest ? For one of the masses, as Collins said. Hm, what else is happening...Oh, SpringFling is coming up in 2 weeks, man I don't even know about that one. Maybe just another no show, cause I wouldn't want anyone getting mad *ahem. But still selling tickets. After that is Springbreak, and I was supose to go to the PI the week after that. But nooooo, just couldn't. After alla this, its already what ? May ? Wow, this month is gonna fly by, I already know, this week already felt like it, so yeah.

What to do, I can't even explain words for you. I'm still walking down the road of emptiness. Like I've always said, I sacrifice things to make YOU happy, as much as I want to do things. What can I do ? I don't take your offers, I only ask you WHY ? But for me, I'm just living with it till the end. Whenever comes the end, it will BE the end. I won't walk in this empty road anymore, but just hope for something good to come by. Other than that, I don't know what else to say to you, or what I think of you, how I think of us ? Because I've said it more than enough times before, and nothings changed. I remember you told me something earlier, I was dissapointed in you. How can you say things and do things that would at least bring you somewhere, and just let it all go ? You really don't care do you ? You couldn't even tell me, even if you said you didn't tell anyone. Wtf ? You just let another opportunity go, and NOW what are YOU gonna do ? You think what you have now is gonna provide for you the rest of your life ? Get with the program dude, life isn't easy as you think it is and your gonna let something as important go by. I mean, if I were to take back what I just said, it wouldn't matter, because I'd still be pissed about things YOU said, saying your gonna do this & that, get this and accomplish that. Now thats all BS now, thats disappointing to me, and you think I'm not gonna be affected by that ? I bet not even me, but people close to you were expecting big things from you, they'd probably feel the same way I do. After pushing you all that time, hoping to see you pursue something, gone....

Ahh, its watever, I have better things in life to worry about and look foward too, I won't even think about it. I guess thats enough for tonight, until next time. Thanks for reading, byeeeee !

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Your Welcome,

& yes, it does make sense x]

Monday, March 30, 2009


Just a response to that, I mean cmon, YOU DO MEAN SOMETHING TO ME ! Of course you do, and of course i'd treasure something so important to me from someone so important. Oooowee, lol. But yeah, I'm glad to see your reaction being better than I thought it would of been. The way I was thinking, since not only are you in it but GOD, maybe that happend for a reason, for maybe something new to come in for the old, something even better ? You got me thinking of the positive, and to only look at things that way because theres no use of the negative side. See, exactly why you are so important to me, you teach me things without even knowing it, just like how you learn from me everyday, I learn from you. You make me realize the better things in life, just to seek the happiness and joy everyday. YOU do so much for ME, just to make me HAPPY, and that means alot, shows me that someone, expecially you, care for me. And of course, I'd like to show that same thing to you, that's why your so special xP So of course I'd care for you in everyway, just to make you happy :D


Hmphh, what an awful yet alright day I guess ? Ugh, I was having a chill morning until I came out of 3rd period. My friend came up to me out of no where and pinches the crap out of my arms, I tried getting her back, & I guess I ended up scratching her without even noticing, and she pinches me again, she gets caught on me cause she pushes me away, and the most devastating thing happend to me, like I literally felt like crying, seriously. The most precious thing to me broke...Yeah, I didn't even know how to react. All I did at that moment was try to find the bits of it and MOST of it. Damn, by that time, I was like blazed, my friend kept laughing and messing around, she wouldn't stop so I got pissed at her and pushed her, yeah its mean and not usually me, but cmon now, that one thing was very special to me "/ After she left, I couldn't help but try to find the rest of it, and to flashback what happend. I felt like tearing cause of it, but I held it in with anger. I've never been so mad and sad at the same time for awhile. I tried not to think about it and I headed to Bio.

In class, I tried putting it back together again, it looks like I got most parts, but its not enough, I was sad, REAL sad. It's like something from someone special gave it to me, which was very special to them, and I planned on wearing it everyday of my life for as long as it could last. But when I thought of it, now I couldn't. It's like I failed the person and have hurt them because it was once special to them, and they had the strength to pass it on to me, wouldn't you think it was very important ? I didn't even know what to do at the time, and I don't even know what to do now. It was on my mind for almost the whole day, at lunch I went back to the spot where it broke, but I didn't find anything, either it was like blending with the ground and stuff, or it was really that scattered out...

I haven't told the person yet, because im too scared to tell them what had happend, but I guess i'll just let them read this and let them find it out themselves, then talk about it after. So if you know who you are, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break it, I know it was special to you, and it was special to me, and I feel like i've ruined it. I still have most of it, I'll just keep it safe for now till I figure out what to do with it, or just keep it in a good place. I'm sorry again "/ I wish it'd never happen, if I were to go back, I'd go back to that specific moment and just ignore her...maybe then she wouldn't of caught on to me and held my arm. Ahh, I don't know what else to say, I guess i'll just read it off your reaction. Hmphh, I hope your not mad or sad. FORGIVE MEEE !

Other than that, I think I have some things to think over. You know maybe I've been paying attention to all the negative things and not think about the positive. And I have to think that way from here on out, because I think that way, it'll maybe push me futhur and help me get over these grudges and doubts and finally just think of the positive view of things. But yeah, I just wanted to let that out. Pretty crazy day for me, thanks for reading,

Kthxbyeeeeeee !

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Rude much,

Do you have any respect at all ? I find it kind of rude to set trash wherever you like, and not throw it away, I mean don't you think its disrespectful to just leave your trash and not throw it where its supose to be when its right there. Ugh, I hate people who don't clean after themselves, like seriously. It's like, I worked hard to clean what I clean, and your just gonna mess it up. It ticks me off just a little, a little....But anyways, its watever. I just wanted to let that out cause I get pretty pissed by it.

Today was a pretty chill day I guess, didn't do much. Sleep all morning, cook & eat, roam on the computer, homework, and chilled with someone. I needed to get things right with someone cause it pisses me off, knowing they said something without knowing the whole truth, like freals. At least know foshure whats going on, until you tell someone alright ? Cause you only caused me everyone elses trust and how they think of me. But its watever now, I try not to worry about it. As long as the person knows the truth and thats all that matters to me.

Well its late now, and I should be going to sleep since theres school tomorrow -_- Just another week, but hey, I'm hella juiced for HIN this weekend, ooooweee ! And I have a ortho app. on tuesday, so I guess I got some stuff going on. Anyways, I'm off. Gnite,

Kthxbyeeeeeee !

Saturday, March 28, 2009


What happend ? It suddenly doesn't feel right anymore...Or is it just me ? I'm just not getting THAT feeling from you, where is it ? I suddenly feel disgusted, disgusted ? No, I don't know how to explain it anymore, but just a feeling of pulling back. It's different now, not the same. I feel weird with you and I don't seem to be happy. I don't know anymore, it just doesn't feel right. What am I to do now ? Show me I'm wrong because I'd like to be so. You expect me to be happy, but know that I'm just making you happy. Where am I in the picture ? I'm tired of the questions you keep asking me, its not the sake of you asking me all the time, makes me feel like you don't even know me. I'm irritated, and annoyed.

I'm sacrificing myself for you, & you don't even know it. Am I making the right choice ? Probably not..

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


So I'm bored, I haven't blogged for awhile. I guess its cause I've been busy lately, or WAS busy. Skit is finally over and theres nothing to do afterschool anymore. Speaking of skit, it was quite an experience. It's been awhile since i've performed in front of a crowd. It was fun though, I can't wait for next year. Upper class's skits are looking good, I don't really care if we won or not, its the thought that counts and all the hard work we've done for our first year. Other than that, I'm just on my regular schedule now, super boring lmao.

Uhm so, what else to talk about. There hasn't been much changes, other than the usual. Either things having to be harder or more frustrating, to tryna just go with things and let things flow. But its watever, its life, not much I can do about this certain thing, because no matter what, nothing will work.

I'm really juiced about this job offer though, and I really hope I get it, at least I can start doing something over the summer, if I don't end up going to the PI or Mexico. Thanks for Jericho for picking me, I feel special for being recommended x]

So yeah, I guess that's it for now, I don't know what else to say lol. Thanks for checking up.

Kthxbyeeeeeeee !

Saturday, March 21, 2009


You should watch your thoughts

Because your thoughts become your words

You should watch your words

Because your words become your actions

You should watch your actions

Because your actions become your habits

You should watch your habits

Because your habits become your character

Your character is who you become.

Thanks USANA Man :D

Crossing the line,

So yesterday at school, it was time for 3rd period. Yay, Ms.Cross's class, lifeskills. This class is full of interesting things and plus with a awesome teacher, talk about easy A. But yesterday was different, we didn't do work, or have to even take out a pencil. All we did was pass in work from the day before and homework, after that was done, she explaned she had a activity for us. I already knew what it was because it said on the board and my friends talked about it periods before, so I felt ready. Most of you guys should be familiar with " Crossing the line ", im very familiar with it because i've done it a couple times before back in middle school, and for some reason I felt kinda uneasy & nervous for a bit. After everyone gathered on one side of the classroom, she began...

She started off easy, just to get us moving and what not, I thought it was cool, you start to see who's with you and who's not, when your not ALONE, or maybe if you really are. Questions got deeper, and I got more nervous, and after a few questions, she said it...that ONE question, my heart stopped. I didn't know what to do, my heart was beating fast and I was lost whether to cross or not, should I ? Should I let them know, or will I keep it to myself ? I saw one of my friends cross, we aren't close but I know her, and I just thought to myself, maybe I don't want her to feel alone, what happens if I were in her position, would she do the same ? So being the person I am, I crossed...She made us stood there, I looked at my friends who didn't know, I felt like a disgrace, I felt like they thought wrong of me and they don't see me as how they knew me before. I couldn't help but be happy anymore after the questions after, I didn't want to even look at their faces, make their eyes meet mine. I asked myself, did I make the right decision ? It's off my chest now, well not completely but it is. After the period was over, I was kinda in the "Ehh" feeling, I felt whatever and didn't feel like being happy in that time, why ? I don't know, because the thought of friends, seeing me cross that line, well thats alot to know. One of my friends that was coming from upstairs, came up to me asking me how many people crossed for that one question I crossed for, I felt like she was so amazed by it, and I said two, not telling her I was one of those two. Just after hearing that, I felt even more bummed, I went to my next class, and was whatever, I guess I cooled down during lunch.

Just that thought was in my head almost the whole day, I couldn't help but think of what my friends thought about it, if they forgot about it or if they would never see me the same. I wonder for my friend that I crossed with, if she appreciated me, or know that she isn't alone, or even if she doesn't care. I've been wanting to talk to the ones who know now, to see how they feel about it and their thoughts, but I've been unsure, I'm scared of what they might say, but yeah, I was already brave enough to cross that line, but I asked myself am I ashamed of what I did, or what will others think of me ? Yet, it shouldn't matter what people think of me, their your friends and they should love you, maybe its just that I didn't tell them ? I don't know, and who knows. I used to regret what I did, asking myself if that was the right thing to do, I guess I had no control over that time, but its life, you can't do anything to change it but the future, so we shall see when time comes.

Thanks for reading, bye.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


I shed the tears of pain, this is too much for me...But how can I put that in words ? Words to make you realize how I feel ? I can't do this anymore, why is it that your NOTHING without me ? It's hard now, its not the same anymore. What the f/ck am I supose to do ? Now I ask myself, am I like this for the rest of my life ? Is it always going to be like this like it already was ? It's so frustrating, you don't even realize yourself and what you do to me...Don't you realize im NOT HAPPY, or are you just so selfish to think about your feelings ? It's either one way or another, and know that if it were to go your way, things won't be good. This feeling is driving me crazy, like miserable crazy. You won't let me do what I need/want to do, you won't even let me go. Why is it your so stuck on me, don't you know how to freakn take care of yourself ? Why is it always me ? Honestly, I can say im not commited, I can't be going through these things, these frustrations and what not. Were two different people, with two different aspects. But that, I can't even break down to you, why ? because you only think of yourself, when it comes to me, its the end of the world for you, why is that ?

Sometimes I actually think, what did I get myself into ? And how it would be like if I didn't. I seriously don't know what to do with myself. Either be stuck and not be happy, or just go with life yet with you just crawling back to me. Get your shit straight, seriously. I know I love you, but things can't always go the way you want it, nothing is forever. Why don't you think of yourself without me, im not your lifeline, I can't do it.

Words can't even explain how I feel right now. Thoughts can't even be imagined of how it would be if I were to just bring it all back again. Things are a blur, and I can't seem to even find myself anymore. Why ? Because all I do now is think about YOU. How am I supose to be happy if im like this ? And the only reason why im like this, is because of YOU. How is this "relationship" suppose to be "all right" once things are back together ? Things will not, and will be DIFFERENT. Im lost in thoughts, im sinked into this horrible feeling, and only tears can express how I am. If you only saw that, maybe that would put some sense into you...

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Define LOVE,

Well thats easy now, ever since I finally found the answer to it, & wanna know what I think it means. ME & you ;] Hahaha, you know it. Thanks to USANA man, i've WE'VE finally found it out, after randomly talking about the randomest things the other night.

Hm, now where to start...my life has been up and down lately, busy and tiring. It's been a pretty boring weekend so far since I've stayed home the whole time, but it was cool since I'm talking to someone I'm getting closer too. Honestly, I've never thought I'd get close to this person, like from the beginning, because he was just HIS friend, but I thought wrong, he's more than that, & at the end, he's USANA man :D Sadly, I'm drifting from the one I THOUGHT I was most close to, or who I'm supose to be close with, & what do I get, I get crap. I can't honestly say I'm happy...Why ? Does he realize what I'm going through ? Our relationship isn't something we can just get on and off. I'm tired of going through this, and I can't do it anymore. He thinks everything will be ok and will go how it will before after saying all that crap, thinking that I'LL be ok about it ? It's hard going back now, I feel like I keep getting pushed into this hole, whenever I try to get out, I just keep falling back, and I can't make progress like that, I'm tired of being stuck in that hole, and I'm more than ready to get out and be free. Do YOU know what you're doing ? Things aren't an excitement anymore, its the same crap everytime, I'm sorry, but your not doing your job of keeping me happy like you say you do, when I try all my might to keep you happy, but it just doesn't work out anymore. I don't even know myself where you are in life, I try to help you out, but all you do is get mad at me because you think you already know what your doing, you've missed so many opportunities, and i've seen them all passed by, but I never saw you take em. What are you doing ??

Ugh, enough of that, I'm done being like that. I just wanna focus on school and goals that will get me somewhere, I'm done taking care of a baby. I got people who already make my life happy, and I don't need someone to pull me down. But yeah, busy week at school starting tomorrow, skit ALL week, im hella juiced. And that's all I wanna focus on for now, I guess this is enough for this morning, hahha. I'll write more later, thanks for reading ! :D

Kthxbyeeeeeeeeee !

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Wsupp people ? Just felt like blogging right now, as I wait for my laundry to finish, so I guess you can say im busy, yet theres always time to blog whenever I can :] I got people texting me & iming me, hella multitasking right now -_- Jeeeeze, but anyways, my day was alright. We were supose to have our skit performance today "/ But it got rescheduled because of that stupid firealarm yesterday, and I guess you can say I was or AM kinda sad,mad, and relieved ? Oh wait, brb..Back, I had to do other laundry crap, but yeah, was sad & mad cause we werent able to perform today, but then again, were still gonna have it & will give us more time to perfect our dances & stuff. Other than that, everything has been chill.

Been here & there, was busy this weekend. It was hella fun chillinn` with Jotz last saturday, went out for her birthday thang. Ate at red lobster then went around everywhere, rented a movie, slept over, and we were supose to watch the movie but ended up just talking and we started to fall asleep since it was like 3 in the morning and plus we were hella stuffed from the food x] The next day, went home, went out with the brooskii and them, went to the mall. That was pretty much it for my weekend, good start for the new month, im finally getting closer and closer to my trip :D

And so this week is Spirit Week, today we were supose to wear yellow, I wore a little but didn't go all out, you see sophs in their swat outfits & crap, then all the other classes, it was pretty interesting. School today was chill, nothing really exciting I guess, just the same ol school day, I had detention for the first time for this whole year ? Hah, I don't really consider it so, because Mrs.Garcia is hella cooo, but I guess it was cause I didn't get the hw last night & I got a hella bad grade from it earlier in class, so I just wanted to retake it even if it was afterschool, didn't take me awhile either since it was so easy.

Other than this, idk what else to say. I should start hw soon, & laundry needs to hurry up so I CAN do hw. Im so juiced for my trip to the PI, I can't wait. But I think this is enough for now, I'll save the subject for a new blog on a new day ;] Thanks for reading !

kthxbyeeeeeee !

Sunday, March 8, 2009

O Bid Me,

Heres a little poem I had to make for english once again, and I thought I'd share it with you :] Enjoy !

O, bid me eat, rather than suck the scum between an athletes foot, a handful of hot juicy cow manure that is a week old. Or spend the night at the most haunted mansion, or bid me lick the fresh dog urine straight from the floor. Make me walk through a ground full of needles, or slurp the sweat of a homeless man on a blazing day, with the sour taste, and the gagging smell of his disgusting body. Or bid me lick my grandma’s dentures straight out of her mouth, with the remaining bits of food from last night. (Things that to hear them told have made me shiver). And I will do it without fear or doubt, to eat at a all-you-can-eat buffet, of warm fresh food.

Thursday, March 5, 2009


These days have been a wild rollercoaster, been busy having to do things, yet trying to enjoy it at the same time, but then theres always a downfall after.

Im starting to get tired of going through these things with you. I can never end my day happy as can be, whatever happend to that feeling ? I wanna do my thing, and be happy with it, without anyone holding me down. I wanna be at the TOP, but with this, I can never reach that. I can't do it with the "support" you give me. Instead, its always the opposite. I can't do what I desire because at the end, there would be a negative side to it. How can I be happy with this when I can't make myself happy ? I don't know what to do anymore. I can't go on like this, I need to move FOWARD. Not only for me, but for you too. I wanna get on with life and not be stuck at the same place over and over. Were two different people, living that two different lifestyles. If you don't like it, then let it go, because I won't adjust now...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Rainy day,

So I just came home from one of those rainy days....and I feel hella grimmey from the rain -_- Alot happend today, and I just feel like sharing it with you guys :]

As the usual, got up & got dressed. It was kinda sunny when I came out, so I didnt take out my umbrella out yet, as I started to walk, it started to sprinkle, so I was like alright. After awhile it started to really rain, I ignored it for a lil bit until I got to school and I started to get real wet, so I popped out my umbrella & headed to Colt Court as usual. 1st period passed, geometry was pretty chill today, didn't do much. It was time for 2nd period, and on our way to our spot, there was hella heads coming out the same way, cause they closed the other gates which I think is stupid, so me & some other friends had to SQUEEZE through the rampage of kids, WITH umbrellas -_- Going on to 3rd period, it was raining hella much, we got to the usual spot we chill since it was break, and we tried huddling all the umbrellas together for like a big ass one, then people started to move and people in the middle got wet, expecially me -_- and I ran to the side where it was dry since people kept moving the umbrellas and shaking it so the water like sprayed out. On my way to 4th, thank god it wasnt raining, got to class and did all the stuff we needed to do, I just couldn't wait to get out of that class early since me & some other folks had a assembly to attend too. The assembly was coo, when it came to the end I was hoping that it would start raining so I didn't have to run in track, but for some reason it was hella sunny -_- Finally, afterschool I went to the PE classroom for skit, but there was a misunderstanding and HipHop club had it, so we all went to rm.67. It was a pretty chill practice, I had fun today. Went over voiceovers and I teached my group how to tut, since we decided to use it for our skit. And I was hella proud for them, they got it pretty quick, and it looks hella clean too. After seeing all that, I was hella juiced, and hopefully by tomorrow get the dance all done.

It was time to finally go home and I was walking alone. It was hella raining, but I had no other choice but to walk. As I was walking, all I did was think about what we did today & other crap. But while I was walking, you know how there is like a dip between the sidewalk and street for the water to go down the sewer, well there was HELLA water and I heard this car come right beside me, and I figured it was going kinda fast since the water he was hitting was going up pretty high, I didn't have time to react and move, so he passed me by and the water hit me from like waist and down, I was hella mad after that. My socks were like soaking wet and I was getting real cold. After that mishap, I was in front of the apartments, I just opened the gated door, and I toke a few steps, and ended up stepping in a big ass puddle, my shoes ended up getting soaked and then I just felt all the water seep through to my socks, which gave me a uncomfortable feeling, but good thing I was already home. I came home, feeling all grimey and here I came blogging, I got into some dry clothes, and bouta make some rice & EAT ! Since I haven't ate all day and only got a big cookie from Mrs.Garcia for our "lunch" since we missed it for the assembly.

And so yeah, that was pretty much it. Wanted to share that with you guys since alot happend today. I hope you enjoyed reading, thanks for your time. Gonna bizzzounce now and EAT my heart out lol jk.

Kthxbyeeee !

Sunday, March 1, 2009


I feel so tempted to go on myspace right now, why ? because IM BORED lmaooo. And thats what I usually did when I was bored, go on MYSPACE ahha, but im pulling myself back. I think ima start watching movies for tonight with USANA MAN ! lmao. Cause like he says, " Im special " NOT x] But yeahh, I just wanted to make a quick blog, just because I felt like it. This was pretty short, I'll maybe blog again later.

kthxbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !

Mar 1st

So its midnight and im pretty bored. Nothing really do to, im being lazy to do my hw right now cause I feel brain dead since its so late right now lol. I wish I had my charger for the lx I bought, hmphh, would've been using it by now. Oh well, I cooked some beef stew, for like the first time lol, its alright I guess. And I finally unlocked my mii on mariokart so I can use it when im racing, oh yeahhh ! hahah. Idk what to do right now, either to chill in bed, or just roam around on the internet.

I look at things, things I wish I had, makes you wish you had the money to buy the things you wish you bought lol, doesnt it ? But yeah, its life. I wish I worked already, I wouldn't have to wish, or wish as much. Hopefully I don't have to wish no more, no longer, and someday I'll make all my wishes come true :]

All I can do is want, just look at things and hopefully to never see it again. Its watever though, something to not think about and give thanks for the things you already have.

I guess im gonna just go now, I wish I had my bestfriend to vent too, we had a good conversation earlier, something I wanted to continue. Well im out till next time.

kthxbyeeeeee !

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


So today is Ash Wednesday, and of course, what we've all been wanting to know,

What did you give up for lent ?

Hahha, well for me personally, what I plan on giving up for the whole 40 days of lent, is MYSPACE, SODA & SWEARING.

Yeahh, some think that I obviously won't be able to do myspace because its what I go on everyday, but I'm willing to sacrifice it & not go on it, maybe hopefully not even THINK about it lmaoo. Soda i've tried before, it was successful in most ways, but what got me was when the only thing to drink was soda one time so I had to obiviously break it -_- & swearing i've tried before too, but it was hard to maintain because there would be times when I would cuss and not realize it ? So ima just try again, and try HARDER than last year, because I really want to accomplish something this year.

& hopefully doing this, will open me up to do more things, such as have more time for homework and things like that, stuff I wouldn't have much time in doing when I was like on myspace or something.

I hope procrastination will go down, and I would get stuff done in time & do things I say I will lol.

So yeah, I just wanted to share that, & I wanna know what you gave up ;]

Friday, February 20, 2009


So I sit here in the ER. In the Minor Injury Clinic. Waiting for my mom to get out the room.

I was just on the computer, when my dad called me and told me to check up on my mom cause he was worried, I knew she had like a headache so I thought it was no biggie, but I checked up on her anyways, she was in bed and she really looked like in pain. I was scared, I asked her what was wrong and how she felt. She said she feels like her head was gonna blow up. I brought her water and a ice pack. I called my bro where he was at cause he was on his way to pick up Reina. I stayed with her, thinking of what to do, I was lost. I called my bro and dad all the time, asking them where they were at, my dad even told me to call 911 if necessary. I was scared, I was thinking to myself what would I do if I called them and they actually came, what am I supose to say ? Finally my bro came, I was relieved a bit. We decided to bring my mom to the ER and I've stayed with her ever since.

So I sit here in this clinic, my dad is here with her, so I'm just chillinn here waiting. Idk what to do...I don't want to be alone. Someone be with me....


I had fun at lunch today. I was walking down the hall going to Colt Court from my bio class & I was wondering why there was music bumpin`. I come out, OH SNAP! its Supreme Soul x] loll, I wanted to check it out, and I remember it was for the Empower event. So I was chillinn` there, wondering where everyone was at, & Icky told me to go dance up stage with them. I was shy & didnt want to be the only one until I saw someone I knew, so I just waited haha. Moments later, a crowd started building and they announced they needed some dancers. Omg, everyone started pushing me & saying my name -_- but it was cool, I went up there anyways. I said wsup to everyone, gave Rj [ Kool Raul ] a hug, & just said hi to Mitch since he was with his gf. More & more people came, and they said there was gonna be a battle going down.

As they started to dance, I was getting nervous, I didn't know I wanted to do, and plus I wasn't feeling the music to get me that vibe to get into the mood, but it was watever. It was my turn, my friends cheering, it was great but I felt like I messed up. I just played around, I did some tuts and then the finger tuts, then some isolation, then I just played around after that. Once the music changed, I started to feel it, since it was something more up beat and bass. But it was coo, I didn't make it to the next round, thank god cause I didn't want to. The girl that won was pretty raw, she's my idol ;] she can dance freals. I made a new friend today, & that was nice. I wish I got some free stuff though, all good. Im still debating if I wanna go to the empower event.

Today was fun, got tap after school and went home after. & here I am. Thanks for reading.

kthxbyeeeee !