Lent,

So today is Ash Wednesday, and of course, what we've all been wanting to know,

What did you give up for lent ?

Hahha, well for me personally, what I plan on giving up for the whole 40 days of lent, is MYSPACE, SODA & SWEARING.

Yeahh, some think that I obviously won't be able to do myspace because its what I go on everyday, but I'm willing to sacrifice it & not go on it, maybe hopefully not even THINK about it lmaoo. Soda i've tried before, it was successful in most ways, but what got me was when the only thing to drink was soda one time so I had to obiviously break it -_- & swearing i've tried before too, but it was hard to maintain because there would be times when I would cuss and not realize it ? So ima just try again, and try HARDER than last year, because I really want to accomplish something this year.

& hopefully doing this, will open me up to do more things, such as have more time for homework and things like that, stuff I wouldn't have much time in doing when I was like on myspace or something.

I hope procrastination will go down, and I would get stuff done in time & do things I say I will lol.

So yeah, I just wanted to share that, & I wanna know what you gave up ;]

Hospital,

So I sit here in the ER. In the Minor Injury Clinic. Waiting for my mom to get out the room.

I was just on the computer, when my dad called me and told me to check up on my mom cause he was worried, I knew she had like a headache so I thought it was no biggie, but I checked up on her anyways, she was in bed and she really looked like in pain. I was scared, I asked her what was wrong and how she felt. She said she feels like her head was gonna blow up. I brought her water and a ice pack. I called my bro where he was at cause he was on his way to pick up Reina. I stayed with her, thinking of what to do, I was lost. I called my bro and dad all the time, asking them where they were at, my dad even told me to call 911 if necessary. I was scared, I was thinking to myself what would I do if I called them and they actually came, what am I supose to say ? Finally my bro came, I was relieved a bit. We decided to bring my mom to the ER and I've stayed with her ever since.

So I sit here in this clinic, my dad is here with her, so I'm just chillinn here waiting. Idk what to do...I don't want to be alone. Someone be with me....

Lunch

I had fun at lunch today. I was walking down the hall going to Colt Court from my bio class & I was wondering why there was music bumpin`. I come out, OH SNAP! its Supreme Soul x] loll, I wanted to check it out, and I remember it was for the Empower event. So I was chillinn` there, wondering where everyone was at, & Icky told me to go dance up stage with them. I was shy & didnt want to be the only one until I saw someone I knew, so I just waited haha. Moments later, a crowd started building and they announced they needed some dancers. Omg, everyone started pushing me & saying my name -_- but it was cool, I went up there anyways. I said wsup to everyone, gave Rj [ Kool Raul ] a hug, & just said hi to Mitch since he was with his gf. More & more people came, and they said there was gonna be a battle going down.

As they started to dance, I was getting nervous, I didn't know I wanted to do, and plus I wasn't feeling the music to get me that vibe to get into the mood, but it was watever. It was my turn, my friends cheering, it was great but I felt like I messed up. I just played around, I did some tuts and then the finger tuts, then some isolation, then I just played around after that. Once the music changed, I started to feel it, since it was something more up beat and bass. But it was coo, I didn't make it to the next round, thank god cause I didn't want to. The girl that won was pretty raw, she's my idol ;] she can dance freals. I made a new friend today, & that was nice. I wish I got some free stuff though, all good. Im still debating if I wanna go to the empower event.

Today was fun, got tap after school and went home after. & here I am. Thanks for reading.

kthxbyeeeee !

2:56 am

Damn, its almost 3am & im up from finishing that stupid DNA model. Ugh, I never thought that shit would take about 4-5 hours ?! WTF ?! omg, freals though. It didn't even end up looking like how I visualized it, and ended up looking like crap lmaoo. But anyways, USANA MAN made me feel like blogging something, because im hella bored. My back hurts from slouching for hella long, sitting on the floor -_-

I don't feel like going to school today, I have a feeling I won't wake up when my alarm comes on. And anyways, I have 2 appointments to go to, blaaah. One for the dentist and one for the docters, yippee....so yeah, I don't think ima go to school tomorrow, I still wanna do some finishing touches to my ugly ass DNA model xD

& yeah, my tummy crumbles, its hungry.

Dude, my mom been bitching at me lately, its been pissing me off -_- I thought her presence would make things here more easier and happier, but she's so short tempered and gets mad easily >.<

So I guess thats it for right now, im getting lazy to write other things. Thanks for reading, KTHXBYEEEE !

o m g ,

Well, its been awhile since my last post. I guess i've been real busy these days to have time to blog something, but yeah, alot has been happening lately. So where to start ? Hm, my mom finally came home today, after like 3-4 months now. Finally, now I can have those homecook foods, company in the house, & alla that stuff like how it used to be when my mom was home, i've missed it so much. I guess i've been angry inside to even let it sync that my mom is back home now. But yeah, other than that, hella crap has been on my mind.

School has been the most part of me being busy, im kinda stressing or just hella thinking of what to make that damn DNA model out of, & then I have another project, I have to make a damn puppet & I don't even know what scene were doing from this one movie -_- Everything else is alright, cept I gotta worry about skit, now that they rescheduled it a week earlier, damnit. I gotta think of a routine fast & practice practice practice with the group.

At home, i've been finally able to mix, thanks to Joooooseph for the hand-me-down needles & some records. I mean its better than nothing right ? I hella thank that dude for these things, he even gave me speakers & stuff, he always got my back for djing. hahah gotta love that dude.

Last weekend was tiring yet hella fun, saturday had a dance session [ ZUMBAA ! ] lol, then went ice skating in Oakland. Sunday, went to friskoo & got some azure blazers sbs. omg, I was so juiced. I had a fun weekend.

Overall, I guess things are ok, other than the stuff that is on my mind currently, but I guess its just a challenge God gave me to fulfill, something to prove how strong I am. I wanna think of it that way, other than thinking why ?

So yeah, that was just an update. I'll try blogging more often. Kthxbyeeee !

What am i to do ?

It can't be understood that I can't do it anymore. I ask myself, " What did I get myself into ? " It may seem like it, but im can't be commited. Im just be, just to be. Do you not understand me ? & what I go through with you, its always about you. You always get what you want, grow the f/ck up & stop being a baby. Im tired of the bull you give me, i've had too much already. Your words hurt & scar me. I feel hopeless with this, I feel like I can't do anything to get what I want. Theres always a fuss about it, you can't understand what I want & feel. Grow up and realize.

Realize we can't do this anymore, don't you notice. I don't care what the matter is anymore, I want to leave and be gone. I have other things to be done, to improve me. You've had that time, but you wasted it. I don't want to go through this path anymore. Your like a virus, that'll never go away. I will never do anything alone anymore, im stuck in this hole that i'll never get out of, nor i'll be able to be happy with this again until you show me a difference.