Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Your Welcome,

& yes, it does make sense x]

Monday, March 30, 2009


Just a response to that, I mean cmon, YOU DO MEAN SOMETHING TO ME ! Of course you do, and of course i'd treasure something so important to me from someone so important. Oooowee, lol. But yeah, I'm glad to see your reaction being better than I thought it would of been. The way I was thinking, since not only are you in it but GOD, maybe that happend for a reason, for maybe something new to come in for the old, something even better ? You got me thinking of the positive, and to only look at things that way because theres no use of the negative side. See, exactly why you are so important to me, you teach me things without even knowing it, just like how you learn from me everyday, I learn from you. You make me realize the better things in life, just to seek the happiness and joy everyday. YOU do so much for ME, just to make me HAPPY, and that means alot, shows me that someone, expecially you, care for me. And of course, I'd like to show that same thing to you, that's why your so special xP So of course I'd care for you in everyway, just to make you happy :D


Hmphh, what an awful yet alright day I guess ? Ugh, I was having a chill morning until I came out of 3rd period. My friend came up to me out of no where and pinches the crap out of my arms, I tried getting her back, & I guess I ended up scratching her without even noticing, and she pinches me again, she gets caught on me cause she pushes me away, and the most devastating thing happend to me, like I literally felt like crying, seriously. The most precious thing to me broke...Yeah, I didn't even know how to react. All I did at that moment was try to find the bits of it and MOST of it. Damn, by that time, I was like blazed, my friend kept laughing and messing around, she wouldn't stop so I got pissed at her and pushed her, yeah its mean and not usually me, but cmon now, that one thing was very special to me "/ After she left, I couldn't help but try to find the rest of it, and to flashback what happend. I felt like tearing cause of it, but I held it in with anger. I've never been so mad and sad at the same time for awhile. I tried not to think about it and I headed to Bio.

In class, I tried putting it back together again, it looks like I got most parts, but its not enough, I was sad, REAL sad. It's like something from someone special gave it to me, which was very special to them, and I planned on wearing it everyday of my life for as long as it could last. But when I thought of it, now I couldn't. It's like I failed the person and have hurt them because it was once special to them, and they had the strength to pass it on to me, wouldn't you think it was very important ? I didn't even know what to do at the time, and I don't even know what to do now. It was on my mind for almost the whole day, at lunch I went back to the spot where it broke, but I didn't find anything, either it was like blending with the ground and stuff, or it was really that scattered out...

I haven't told the person yet, because im too scared to tell them what had happend, but I guess i'll just let them read this and let them find it out themselves, then talk about it after. So if you know who you are, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break it, I know it was special to you, and it was special to me, and I feel like i've ruined it. I still have most of it, I'll just keep it safe for now till I figure out what to do with it, or just keep it in a good place. I'm sorry again "/ I wish it'd never happen, if I were to go back, I'd go back to that specific moment and just ignore her...maybe then she wouldn't of caught on to me and held my arm. Ahh, I don't know what else to say, I guess i'll just read it off your reaction. Hmphh, I hope your not mad or sad. FORGIVE MEEE !

Other than that, I think I have some things to think over. You know maybe I've been paying attention to all the negative things and not think about the positive. And I have to think that way from here on out, because I think that way, it'll maybe push me futhur and help me get over these grudges and doubts and finally just think of the positive view of things. But yeah, I just wanted to let that out. Pretty crazy day for me, thanks for reading,

Kthxbyeeeeeee !

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Rude much,

Do you have any respect at all ? I find it kind of rude to set trash wherever you like, and not throw it away, I mean don't you think its disrespectful to just leave your trash and not throw it where its supose to be when its right there. Ugh, I hate people who don't clean after themselves, like seriously. It's like, I worked hard to clean what I clean, and your just gonna mess it up. It ticks me off just a little, a little....But anyways, its watever. I just wanted to let that out cause I get pretty pissed by it.

Today was a pretty chill day I guess, didn't do much. Sleep all morning, cook & eat, roam on the computer, homework, and chilled with someone. I needed to get things right with someone cause it pisses me off, knowing they said something without knowing the whole truth, like freals. At least know foshure whats going on, until you tell someone alright ? Cause you only caused me everyone elses trust and how they think of me. But its watever now, I try not to worry about it. As long as the person knows the truth and thats all that matters to me.

Well its late now, and I should be going to sleep since theres school tomorrow -_- Just another week, but hey, I'm hella juiced for HIN this weekend, ooooweee ! And I have a ortho app. on tuesday, so I guess I got some stuff going on. Anyways, I'm off. Gnite,

Kthxbyeeeeeee !

Saturday, March 28, 2009


What happend ? It suddenly doesn't feel right anymore...Or is it just me ? I'm just not getting THAT feeling from you, where is it ? I suddenly feel disgusted, disgusted ? No, I don't know how to explain it anymore, but just a feeling of pulling back. It's different now, not the same. I feel weird with you and I don't seem to be happy. I don't know anymore, it just doesn't feel right. What am I to do now ? Show me I'm wrong because I'd like to be so. You expect me to be happy, but know that I'm just making you happy. Where am I in the picture ? I'm tired of the questions you keep asking me, its not the sake of you asking me all the time, makes me feel like you don't even know me. I'm irritated, and annoyed.

I'm sacrificing myself for you, & you don't even know it. Am I making the right choice ? Probably not..

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


So I'm bored, I haven't blogged for awhile. I guess its cause I've been busy lately, or WAS busy. Skit is finally over and theres nothing to do afterschool anymore. Speaking of skit, it was quite an experience. It's been awhile since i've performed in front of a crowd. It was fun though, I can't wait for next year. Upper class's skits are looking good, I don't really care if we won or not, its the thought that counts and all the hard work we've done for our first year. Other than that, I'm just on my regular schedule now, super boring lmao.

Uhm so, what else to talk about. There hasn't been much changes, other than the usual. Either things having to be harder or more frustrating, to tryna just go with things and let things flow. But its watever, its life, not much I can do about this certain thing, because no matter what, nothing will work.

I'm really juiced about this job offer though, and I really hope I get it, at least I can start doing something over the summer, if I don't end up going to the PI or Mexico. Thanks for Jericho for picking me, I feel special for being recommended x]

So yeah, I guess that's it for now, I don't know what else to say lol. Thanks for checking up.

Kthxbyeeeeeeee !

Saturday, March 21, 2009


You should watch your thoughts

Because your thoughts become your words

You should watch your words

Because your words become your actions

You should watch your actions

Because your actions become your habits

You should watch your habits

Because your habits become your character

Your character is who you become.

Thanks USANA Man :D

Crossing the line,

So yesterday at school, it was time for 3rd period. Yay, Ms.Cross's class, lifeskills. This class is full of interesting things and plus with a awesome teacher, talk about easy A. But yesterday was different, we didn't do work, or have to even take out a pencil. All we did was pass in work from the day before and homework, after that was done, she explaned she had a activity for us. I already knew what it was because it said on the board and my friends talked about it periods before, so I felt ready. Most of you guys should be familiar with " Crossing the line ", im very familiar with it because i've done it a couple times before back in middle school, and for some reason I felt kinda uneasy & nervous for a bit. After everyone gathered on one side of the classroom, she began...

She started off easy, just to get us moving and what not, I thought it was cool, you start to see who's with you and who's not, when your not ALONE, or maybe if you really are. Questions got deeper, and I got more nervous, and after a few questions, she said it...that ONE question, my heart stopped. I didn't know what to do, my heart was beating fast and I was lost whether to cross or not, should I ? Should I let them know, or will I keep it to myself ? I saw one of my friends cross, we aren't close but I know her, and I just thought to myself, maybe I don't want her to feel alone, what happens if I were in her position, would she do the same ? So being the person I am, I crossed...She made us stood there, I looked at my friends who didn't know, I felt like a disgrace, I felt like they thought wrong of me and they don't see me as how they knew me before. I couldn't help but be happy anymore after the questions after, I didn't want to even look at their faces, make their eyes meet mine. I asked myself, did I make the right decision ? It's off my chest now, well not completely but it is. After the period was over, I was kinda in the "Ehh" feeling, I felt whatever and didn't feel like being happy in that time, why ? I don't know, because the thought of friends, seeing me cross that line, well thats alot to know. One of my friends that was coming from upstairs, came up to me asking me how many people crossed for that one question I crossed for, I felt like she was so amazed by it, and I said two, not telling her I was one of those two. Just after hearing that, I felt even more bummed, I went to my next class, and was whatever, I guess I cooled down during lunch.

Just that thought was in my head almost the whole day, I couldn't help but think of what my friends thought about it, if they forgot about it or if they would never see me the same. I wonder for my friend that I crossed with, if she appreciated me, or know that she isn't alone, or even if she doesn't care. I've been wanting to talk to the ones who know now, to see how they feel about it and their thoughts, but I've been unsure, I'm scared of what they might say, but yeah, I was already brave enough to cross that line, but I asked myself am I ashamed of what I did, or what will others think of me ? Yet, it shouldn't matter what people think of me, their your friends and they should love you, maybe its just that I didn't tell them ? I don't know, and who knows. I used to regret what I did, asking myself if that was the right thing to do, I guess I had no control over that time, but its life, you can't do anything to change it but the future, so we shall see when time comes.

Thanks for reading, bye.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


I shed the tears of pain, this is too much for me...But how can I put that in words ? Words to make you realize how I feel ? I can't do this anymore, why is it that your NOTHING without me ? It's hard now, its not the same anymore. What the f/ck am I supose to do ? Now I ask myself, am I like this for the rest of my life ? Is it always going to be like this like it already was ? It's so frustrating, you don't even realize yourself and what you do to me...Don't you realize im NOT HAPPY, or are you just so selfish to think about your feelings ? It's either one way or another, and know that if it were to go your way, things won't be good. This feeling is driving me crazy, like miserable crazy. You won't let me do what I need/want to do, you won't even let me go. Why is it your so stuck on me, don't you know how to freakn take care of yourself ? Why is it always me ? Honestly, I can say im not commited, I can't be going through these things, these frustrations and what not. Were two different people, with two different aspects. But that, I can't even break down to you, why ? because you only think of yourself, when it comes to me, its the end of the world for you, why is that ?

Sometimes I actually think, what did I get myself into ? And how it would be like if I didn't. I seriously don't know what to do with myself. Either be stuck and not be happy, or just go with life yet with you just crawling back to me. Get your shit straight, seriously. I know I love you, but things can't always go the way you want it, nothing is forever. Why don't you think of yourself without me, im not your lifeline, I can't do it.

Words can't even explain how I feel right now. Thoughts can't even be imagined of how it would be if I were to just bring it all back again. Things are a blur, and I can't seem to even find myself anymore. Why ? Because all I do now is think about YOU. How am I supose to be happy if im like this ? And the only reason why im like this, is because of YOU. How is this "relationship" suppose to be "all right" once things are back together ? Things will not, and will be DIFFERENT. Im lost in thoughts, im sinked into this horrible feeling, and only tears can express how I am. If you only saw that, maybe that would put some sense into you...

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Define LOVE,

Well thats easy now, ever since I finally found the answer to it, & wanna know what I think it means. ME & you ;] Hahaha, you know it. Thanks to USANA man, i've WE'VE finally found it out, after randomly talking about the randomest things the other night.

Hm, now where to start...my life has been up and down lately, busy and tiring. It's been a pretty boring weekend so far since I've stayed home the whole time, but it was cool since I'm talking to someone I'm getting closer too. Honestly, I've never thought I'd get close to this person, like from the beginning, because he was just HIS friend, but I thought wrong, he's more than that, & at the end, he's USANA man :D Sadly, I'm drifting from the one I THOUGHT I was most close to, or who I'm supose to be close with, & what do I get, I get crap. I can't honestly say I'm happy...Why ? Does he realize what I'm going through ? Our relationship isn't something we can just get on and off. I'm tired of going through this, and I can't do it anymore. He thinks everything will be ok and will go how it will before after saying all that crap, thinking that I'LL be ok about it ? It's hard going back now, I feel like I keep getting pushed into this hole, whenever I try to get out, I just keep falling back, and I can't make progress like that, I'm tired of being stuck in that hole, and I'm more than ready to get out and be free. Do YOU know what you're doing ? Things aren't an excitement anymore, its the same crap everytime, I'm sorry, but your not doing your job of keeping me happy like you say you do, when I try all my might to keep you happy, but it just doesn't work out anymore. I don't even know myself where you are in life, I try to help you out, but all you do is get mad at me because you think you already know what your doing, you've missed so many opportunities, and i've seen them all passed by, but I never saw you take em. What are you doing ??

Ugh, enough of that, I'm done being like that. I just wanna focus on school and goals that will get me somewhere, I'm done taking care of a baby. I got people who already make my life happy, and I don't need someone to pull me down. But yeah, busy week at school starting tomorrow, skit ALL week, im hella juiced. And that's all I wanna focus on for now, I guess this is enough for this morning, hahha. I'll write more later, thanks for reading ! :D

Kthxbyeeeeeeeeee !

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Wsupp people ? Just felt like blogging right now, as I wait for my laundry to finish, so I guess you can say im busy, yet theres always time to blog whenever I can :] I got people texting me & iming me, hella multitasking right now -_- Jeeeeze, but anyways, my day was alright. We were supose to have our skit performance today "/ But it got rescheduled because of that stupid firealarm yesterday, and I guess you can say I was or AM kinda sad,mad, and relieved ? Oh wait, brb..Back, I had to do other laundry crap, but yeah, was sad & mad cause we werent able to perform today, but then again, were still gonna have it & will give us more time to perfect our dances & stuff. Other than that, everything has been chill.

Been here & there, was busy this weekend. It was hella fun chillinn` with Jotz last saturday, went out for her birthday thang. Ate at red lobster then went around everywhere, rented a movie, slept over, and we were supose to watch the movie but ended up just talking and we started to fall asleep since it was like 3 in the morning and plus we were hella stuffed from the food x] The next day, went home, went out with the brooskii and them, went to the mall. That was pretty much it for my weekend, good start for the new month, im finally getting closer and closer to my trip :D

And so this week is Spirit Week, today we were supose to wear yellow, I wore a little but didn't go all out, you see sophs in their swat outfits & crap, then all the other classes, it was pretty interesting. School today was chill, nothing really exciting I guess, just the same ol school day, I had detention for the first time for this whole year ? Hah, I don't really consider it so, because Mrs.Garcia is hella cooo, but I guess it was cause I didn't get the hw last night & I got a hella bad grade from it earlier in class, so I just wanted to retake it even if it was afterschool, didn't take me awhile either since it was so easy.

Other than this, idk what else to say. I should start hw soon, & laundry needs to hurry up so I CAN do hw. Im so juiced for my trip to the PI, I can't wait. But I think this is enough for now, I'll save the subject for a new blog on a new day ;] Thanks for reading !

kthxbyeeeeeee !

Sunday, March 8, 2009

O Bid Me,

Heres a little poem I had to make for english once again, and I thought I'd share it with you :] Enjoy !

O, bid me eat, rather than suck the scum between an athletes foot, a handful of hot juicy cow manure that is a week old. Or spend the night at the most haunted mansion, or bid me lick the fresh dog urine straight from the floor. Make me walk through a ground full of needles, or slurp the sweat of a homeless man on a blazing day, with the sour taste, and the gagging smell of his disgusting body. Or bid me lick my grandma’s dentures straight out of her mouth, with the remaining bits of food from last night. (Things that to hear them told have made me shiver). And I will do it without fear or doubt, to eat at a all-you-can-eat buffet, of warm fresh food.

Thursday, March 5, 2009


These days have been a wild rollercoaster, been busy having to do things, yet trying to enjoy it at the same time, but then theres always a downfall after.

Im starting to get tired of going through these things with you. I can never end my day happy as can be, whatever happend to that feeling ? I wanna do my thing, and be happy with it, without anyone holding me down. I wanna be at the TOP, but with this, I can never reach that. I can't do it with the "support" you give me. Instead, its always the opposite. I can't do what I desire because at the end, there would be a negative side to it. How can I be happy with this when I can't make myself happy ? I don't know what to do anymore. I can't go on like this, I need to move FOWARD. Not only for me, but for you too. I wanna get on with life and not be stuck at the same place over and over. Were two different people, living that two different lifestyles. If you don't like it, then let it go, because I won't adjust now...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Rainy day,

So I just came home from one of those rainy days....and I feel hella grimmey from the rain -_- Alot happend today, and I just feel like sharing it with you guys :]

As the usual, got up & got dressed. It was kinda sunny when I came out, so I didnt take out my umbrella out yet, as I started to walk, it started to sprinkle, so I was like alright. After awhile it started to really rain, I ignored it for a lil bit until I got to school and I started to get real wet, so I popped out my umbrella & headed to Colt Court as usual. 1st period passed, geometry was pretty chill today, didn't do much. It was time for 2nd period, and on our way to our spot, there was hella heads coming out the same way, cause they closed the other gates which I think is stupid, so me & some other friends had to SQUEEZE through the rampage of kids, WITH umbrellas -_- Going on to 3rd period, it was raining hella much, we got to the usual spot we chill since it was break, and we tried huddling all the umbrellas together for like a big ass one, then people started to move and people in the middle got wet, expecially me -_- and I ran to the side where it was dry since people kept moving the umbrellas and shaking it so the water like sprayed out. On my way to 4th, thank god it wasnt raining, got to class and did all the stuff we needed to do, I just couldn't wait to get out of that class early since me & some other folks had a assembly to attend too. The assembly was coo, when it came to the end I was hoping that it would start raining so I didn't have to run in track, but for some reason it was hella sunny -_- Finally, afterschool I went to the PE classroom for skit, but there was a misunderstanding and HipHop club had it, so we all went to rm.67. It was a pretty chill practice, I had fun today. Went over voiceovers and I teached my group how to tut, since we decided to use it for our skit. And I was hella proud for them, they got it pretty quick, and it looks hella clean too. After seeing all that, I was hella juiced, and hopefully by tomorrow get the dance all done.

It was time to finally go home and I was walking alone. It was hella raining, but I had no other choice but to walk. As I was walking, all I did was think about what we did today & other crap. But while I was walking, you know how there is like a dip between the sidewalk and street for the water to go down the sewer, well there was HELLA water and I heard this car come right beside me, and I figured it was going kinda fast since the water he was hitting was going up pretty high, I didn't have time to react and move, so he passed me by and the water hit me from like waist and down, I was hella mad after that. My socks were like soaking wet and I was getting real cold. After that mishap, I was in front of the apartments, I just opened the gated door, and I toke a few steps, and ended up stepping in a big ass puddle, my shoes ended up getting soaked and then I just felt all the water seep through to my socks, which gave me a uncomfortable feeling, but good thing I was already home. I came home, feeling all grimey and here I came blogging, I got into some dry clothes, and bouta make some rice & EAT ! Since I haven't ate all day and only got a big cookie from Mrs.Garcia for our "lunch" since we missed it for the assembly.

And so yeah, that was pretty much it. Wanted to share that with you guys since alot happend today. I hope you enjoyed reading, thanks for your time. Gonna bizzzounce now and EAT my heart out lol jk.

Kthxbyeeee !

Sunday, March 1, 2009


I feel so tempted to go on myspace right now, why ? because IM BORED lmaooo. And thats what I usually did when I was bored, go on MYSPACE ahha, but im pulling myself back. I think ima start watching movies for tonight with USANA MAN ! lmao. Cause like he says, " Im special " NOT x] But yeahh, I just wanted to make a quick blog, just because I felt like it. This was pretty short, I'll maybe blog again later.

kthxbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !

Mar 1st

So its midnight and im pretty bored. Nothing really do to, im being lazy to do my hw right now cause I feel brain dead since its so late right now lol. I wish I had my charger for the lx I bought, hmphh, would've been using it by now. Oh well, I cooked some beef stew, for like the first time lol, its alright I guess. And I finally unlocked my mii on mariokart so I can use it when im racing, oh yeahhh ! hahah. Idk what to do right now, either to chill in bed, or just roam around on the internet.

I look at things, things I wish I had, makes you wish you had the money to buy the things you wish you bought lol, doesnt it ? But yeah, its life. I wish I worked already, I wouldn't have to wish, or wish as much. Hopefully I don't have to wish no more, no longer, and someday I'll make all my wishes come true :]

All I can do is want, just look at things and hopefully to never see it again. Its watever though, something to not think about and give thanks for the things you already have.

I guess im gonna just go now, I wish I had my bestfriend to vent too, we had a good conversation earlier, something I wanted to continue. Well im out till next time.

kthxbyeeeeee !